Gee Whiz, Thanks A Lot

By Cheyenne Hamberg


It’s the moment of truth. You tear into that present like there’s no tomorrow; wrapping paper flies everywhere, ribbon is cruelly torn in twain. You’ve been eyeing that box for weeks now, as it just sat there under the tree waiting for you to dig in. Maybe it’s a laptop, a new phone, movies, a TV or some other inconceivably wonderful present you’ve been begging for this year. All that wait and longing finally come together in this glorious box of possibilities.

As the wrapping settles to the floor, you are graced with the presence of one of Great Grandma’s homespun sweaters. Joy, rapture, wonder of wonders. Yeah right.

Everybody knows the terrible feeling that comes with receiving a bad present and having to grin at that senile old relative and say “Gee whiz, thanks!” All you can do is hope nobody you know ever sees you wear that god-awful sweater and leave it in the closet next to those creepy porcelain dolls your uncle keeps buying you.

So, knowing how many bad gifts I’ve received from people over the years, I asked other staff members to explain their holiday horrors.

Sam Durbin - “My worst present was probably bed sheets. They were cute and all but, I mean, it was weird.”

Ms. Morrow- “It would have to be something from my grandma. She would give me sweaters that were like extra extra large or something else that I would never ever want.”

Niki Picklesimer - “Socks.”

Stephanie Prather - “ A bead kit, a little bead kit. It was just really stupid.”

Kendall Jent - “The worst I got was a cover from my grandma. It was the worst thing ever.”

Stacha Hof - “I got some of the worst smelling perfume ever from my grandma.”

Shannon Kimble- “ I got a really ugly purple and white sweater from my mom. It was the ugliest sweater I’ve ever seen- I threw up a little.”

Natalie Ayers–“ I got a big lump of coal one year.”