The Complete List of Teachers' Answers

Hey guys. Here's the complete sheet of answers we got from the teachers. Enjoy!
- Chey



What's the difference between a novel and a book?

"About six bucks.”- Mr. Deems

“Well...seriously...A novel is a book-length work of fiction. Just being fictional and bound isn't enough--collections of short stories, novellas, and other fictional texts can be bound, but they don't thus become a novel. A book, by contrast, is a volume of fictional or non-fictional work. Although these are often bound, again, binding isn't essential. For example, books can be electronic with scanned images. The lack of binding doesn't mean that it thus isn't a book. Additionally, a book--in common usage--tends to have a copyright and be the product of a publisher. One could debate this aspect: is an unpublished diary a book? etc. In short, a novel is usually a book, but a book isn't necessarily a novel. The terms aren't interchangeable. Just remember that novel refers only to works of fiction. If the book ain't fiction, it ain't a novel.” – Mrs. Powell

“A novel is something new, "That's a NOVEL idea!" A book is what they throw at you when you get arrested.” – Mr. Parker

“A novel contains a story while a book tells a tale.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“Who reads around here? Besides Ms. Morrow?” – Ms. Salyers

“A novel is a great piece of literature that impacts the lives of those who read it. A book is just a piece of writing with little meaning.” – Mrs. Tubbs


If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?

"Unless you exploded first, which seems the more likely scenario.”- Mr. Deems

“No.... Burps are just smart farts who took the elevator up instead of down.” – Mrs. Powell

“No, this is similar to sneezing & farting simultaneously...something we've all experienced!” – Ms. Small

“No, judging from the students around here it actually creates a vacuum between your ears, oddly enough.” – Mr. Parker

“I'm only certain that you'd feel better afterward.”- Mrs. Hadaway

“What? Who is your Science teacher?” – Ms. Salyers

“Definitely yes. Mythbusters says so.” – Mrs. Tubbs


If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

"Depends upon the advice of the Insurance Company Nazis.”- Mr. Deems

“Why work on the doctor if he is already dead?” – Mrs. Powell

“It depends on who has the better insurance.” – Mr. Parker

“What about the nurses? Are you suggesting they're unimportant? The Nurse's Association will be contacting you about this. Notify your lawyers.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“Depends...if the patient is someone like me, you know irreplaceable, then obviously they would work on me. On the other hand, if it were someone like Mr. Parker they would definitely work on the Doctor!” – Ms. Salyers

“The doctor.” – Mrs. Tubbs


When the French swear do they say pardon my English?

"The French are largely unaware that such a thing as "English" even exists.”- Mr. Deems

“No, they say pardon my Spanish!” – Mrs. Powell

“Never!” – Ms. Small

“No, they have different words for EVERYTHING. Merci beaucoup.” – Mr. Parker

“Of course they do. They don't like us just as much as we don't like them.” – Ms. Salyers

“They tend to ignore the ugly American completely.” – Mrs. Tubbs


Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

"Curiosity has killed more than cats.” – Mr. Deems

“Who says I haven't tried to count the stars? You haven't lived until you have laid on your back in a field and stared up a perfect starry night. And it is fun to stick your finger in wet paint. You leave a mark!” – Mrs. Powell

“Just laziness. I counted and there are actually 4,578,345, 657 stars.And the paint was already dry.” – Mr. Parker

“Because it'd take too long to count the stars. Duh!” – Mrs. Hadaway

“No one really believes there are 4 billion stars either, but who is going to sit and count them to win that argument? On the other hand I can prove that the paint isn't wet and can win that one right away!” – Ms. Salyers

“The humans' incapability to accept the simple the not ponder the sophisticated.” – Mrs. Tubbs


Where do all the daylight savings hours go?

"Some bank financing terrorists. Or Republicans.” – Mr. Deems

“In a sun bank.” – Mrs. Powell

“Jamaica, mahn!” – Mr. Parker

“In the daylight savings bank. Remember? It was part of the plot in Die Hard Two when those crazy criminals tried to rob it. I think they had foreign accents and there was a lot of shooting.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“In the daylight savings bank of course.” – Ms. Salyers

“Beyond the mountains.” – Mrs. Tubbs

Why is it that when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"?

"How dull. I would rather have a rocket ship.” – Mr. Deems

“What good is a boat "on" a desert island? You can't float on land!” – Mrs. Powell

“Or a helicopter. I'd rather have a helicopter than a boat. Boats make me burp and fart at the same time, causing a vacuum to build in my stomach.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“Because no one really wants to come back! A deserted island seems like fun to me. Lay out everyday, wake up when you want, never have to get dressed up, never go to work, don't have to deal with the crap from the boys of the world, and you can wear flip-flops everyday of your life.” – Ms. Salyers

“That is the obvious and humans tend to overlook the obvious.” – Mrs. Tubbs


If you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?

"Who cares. Get a fake I.D.”- Mr. Deems

“The international drinking age is 18. However, most airlines will use the drinking laws of their home country, regardless of where you are. By this, American Airlines will only serve people of ages 21 and up. This is for legal reasons.” – Mrs. Powell

“Seriously, it changes when you reach the border...” – Ms. Small

“Why would you want to go to CANADA??? It is soo cold there they think Hockey is fun and they all want to come here and be actors or newscasters.” – Mr. Parker

“Since I'm way beyond 21 and 19, I hardly care.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“Who cares you shouldn't be drinking anyhow you alcoholic!” – Ms. Salyers

“It changes to 19.” – Mrs. Tubbs


If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?

"Anyone who feels compelled to ask if they can ask a question SHOULD be shot.”- Mr. Deems

“No....too messy when they bleed.” – Mrs. Powell

“ALWAYS.” – Ms. Small

“No. It just makes such a mess. Which isn't a big problem if your wife cleans it up, but then she gripes at you for three days and THAT is problem.” – Mr. Parker

“No, because they said, "fire AWAY" not "fire AT ME" Ha! These questions are a breeze!” – Mrs. Hadaway

“At once! Just one less idiot to deal with.” – Ms. Salyers

“Yes.” – Mrs. Tubbs


Isn't it weird that if you rearrange the word "teacher" you get "cheater"?

”Weird. Indeed.”- Mr. Deems

“Hmmmmmmm... Isn't interesting that you can also get hectare, rechate, recheat, reteach. Can you define any of these words, smart aleck! Oh rearrange student and you stunted!!!” – Mrs. Powell

“Know. How due yuo think moast uf us urned are degrees?” – Mr. Parker

“And I have to RETEACH to the CHEATER. How appropriate.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“Is it weird that if you rearrange the word kids you get...well you can figure it out for yourself.” – Ms. Salyers

“Definitely a coincidence.” – Mrs. Tubbs


Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"?

”What a great idea!” – Mr. Deems

“This would be determined by where you live. Different countries have different laws regarding what you can name your child.” – Mrs. Powell

“Isn't their another word that means the same thing?” – Mr. Parker

“No. But whoever did it would also probably spell it incorrectly.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“Yes.” – Ms. Salyers

“No. It would scar them for life.” – Mrs. Tubbs


If you died with braces on would they take them off?

”Only if they were made of platinum. Or gold. Or something like that.” – Mr. Deems

“Depends if they are paid for or not!” – Mrs. Powell

“Heck no. You paid for 'em so you keep 'em!” – Ms. Salyers

“I sure hope so. Braces were a very unpleasant time in my life.” – Mrs. Tubbs


Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?

”ALL mathematicians are dysfunctional.” – Mr. Deems

“A mathematician does not have to be an ex-mathematician to be dysfunctional!” – Mrs. Powell

“Obviously! Although, they were pretty dysfunctional from the beginning.” – Ms. Salyers


Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

”Gotta love ya some Sesame Street! :)”- Mr. Deems

“The alphabet has often been described as an arbitrary collection of symbols representing an arbitrary collection of sounds. Its order is equally random. The origins of the earliest alphabets, which were probably created around 4,000 years ago, are quite murky. The earliest form of the alphabet was invented by the Semitic peoples living in Egypt. This original alphabet eventually gave rise to written Hebrew, Arabic, Greek, and the modern Roman languages. The alphabet developed much out of laziness. Early pictograms required readers and writers to memorize hundreds of specific images representing words and ideas. The alphabet, on the other hand, was a kind of phonetic shorthand in which thirty basic sounds could be strung together to form words. Egyptian hieroglyphics used both pictograms and phonemes (symbols that represent sounds). The first phonemes were based on pictograms -- for example, the symbol representing house, or "beth" in spoken Semitic, eventually became the letter "B." So, while there isn't an exact reason for the order, I can give you one fun (if rather obvious) fact you may not have realized -- the word "alphabet" comes from "alpha" and "beta," the first two words.” – Mrs. Powell

“Yeah, DUHH!” – Mr. Parker

“The ancient Greeks threw the letters up in the air and that's how they landed.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“No. There is no order. That is just the work of another brilliant teacher creating a technique to get kids to remember the letters. You can definitely sing it another way. j,e,y,s,p,b,g,z,o,w,q...” – Ms. Salyers


Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

”What a smutty and perverted question. She is a Pristine Disney Chick. How dare you think of her undergarments!” – Mr. Deems

“Yes she wears an algae bra! Ha, Ha!” – Mrs. Powell

“No, but she wears a turtle girdle.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“No way. She is way too cute to have anything to do with algebra. First of all she does not have any algae because she would scrape it off with her dingle hopper, and as far as bras go...who needs 'em when you look like her?” – Ms. Salyers


Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?

”Only if it is a really good movie.” – Mr. Deems

“Yes!”- Mrs. Powell

“NO. They will just fire up the DVD Player, thinking you have a Disc they haven't viewed while they sit around and get paid to wait for fires that never happen.” – Mr. Parker

“Probably not, but if Mr. Schneider was on duty, it'd be interesting.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“I'm not sure, but I would love to try it out for you. I loooooooove fire fighters.” – Ms. Salyers

“Possibly. Depends on the mood of the firefighters.” – Mrs. Tubbs


If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

”Of course.”- Mr. Deems

“Of course!” – Mrs. Powell

“Of course.” – Ms. Small

“We are NEVER wrong. We just give in to get peace and quiet.” – Mr. Parker

“Why would a man be talking in the forest to himself? Did he go there to burp and fart simultaneously?” – Mrs. Hadaway

“Of course he is. It isn't much different outside of the forest, because no one is listening to him then either.” – Ms. Salyers

“Yes.” – Mrs. Tubbs


What came first? The chicken or the egg?

”God.” – Mr. Deems

“Now a team made up of a geneticist, philosopher and chicken farmer claim to have found an answer. It was the egg. Put simply, the reason is down to the fact that genetic material does not change during an animal's life. Therefore the first bird that evolved into what we would call a chicken, probably in prehistoric times, must have first existed as an embryo inside an egg. Professor John Brookfield, a specialist in evolutionary genetics at the University of Nottingham, told the UK Press Association the pecking order was clear. The living organism inside the eggshell would have had the same DNA as the chicken it would develop into, he said. "Therefore, the first living thing which we could say unequivocally was a member of the species would be this first egg," he added. "So, I would conclude that the egg came first." – Mrs. Powell

“First you must define "Chickeness", then you have to decide if you are theorizing from a Scientific, Evolutionary viewpoint or some Creationist thing. But it really comes down to what is "Chickeness?" I took a philosophy class in college and we spent a whole quarter arguing just that one issue. Oddly, we all got goose eggs for grades.” – Mr. Parker

“The prokaryotic bacteria came first. But just to check, I looked it up on the internet and it said, I swear, "If a kangaroo laid an egg from which an ostrich hatched, that would surely be an ostrich egg, not a kangaroo egg." I think that settles it once and for all!” – Mrs. Hadaway

“Obviously the chicken, because Noah didn't take eggs on the Ark he only took the animals.” – Ms. Salyers

“The chicken.” – Mrs. Tubbs


If a rooster laid an egg on the pointed roof and the wind blew it in which way would the egg roll?

”What kind of transvestite roosters are we talking about here?” – Mr. Deems

“Roosters can't lay eggs.” – Mrs. Powell

“Down.” – Ms. Small

“Egg Roll? They come from Roosters?? How come you can only get them in Chinese restaurants? . . .Hmm, I bet it is only special Chinese Roosters” – Mr. Parker

“I don't like egg rolls. Just thinking about them makes me slightly nauseated.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“Rooster's don't lay eggs, duh, hens do.” – Ms. Salyers

“Roosters can't lay eggs.” – Mrs. Tubbs


Why doesn't the glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

”Who knows. Ask Mrs. Greene. She is a science geek.” – Mr. Deems

“As long as the glue remains inside the bottle away from air it will remain fluid. Glue hardens when there is a loss of water from the formula. Exposure to the atmosphere will cause the water to evaporate and make the glue harden.” – Mrs. Powell

“It DOES. Glue just doesn't stick to itself, so most of it pours out. I think it has something to do with magnetism and like things (glue) repelling each other.” – Mr. Parker

“Because the Harry Potter club put an anti-sticking charm on it.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“Duh, everyone knows this.” – Ms. Salyers

“A special formula concocted by Larry Parker in his secret lab under Shea Stadium.” – Mrs. Tubbs


Can you slam a revolving door?

”Good luck with that.” – Mr. Deems

“No but you can slam into it.” – Mrs. Powell

“You COULD slam INTO it.” – Ms. Small

“I stuck a 2x4 into one once, and watched my grandmother SLAM into the glass when it stopped suddenly. My Grandfather fell out of his wheel chair he laughed so hard.” – Mr. Parker

“No but if you cram too many people into one wedge, it gets REALLY uncomfortable because no one can move their legs, and you are sort of scraped along. Not that I have ever done that.” – Mrs. Hadaway

“Of course, just watch out so it doesn't come back and hit you.” – Ms. Salyers

“Yes put the door guard will yell at you. He did it to us at the Omni Netherland our senior prom.” – Mrs. Tubbs